Star Wars: Funny Shiz

STAR WARS FUNNY SHIZ
Anakin: Hello, viewers!
Padme: Welcome to 'Star Wars Funny Shiz'!
*Obi-wan appears randomly and yells*: ANAKIN'S SCARED OF LEGO!!!
*Anakin shakily*: N-No! It's not true! It's a lie!
Obi-wan: Yeah, you are! I bought you LEGO to play with when you were ten and you thought they were ration sticks and tried to eat them. You started choking and nearly died and would've if it wasn't for my dashing rescue.
*Grins at audience with his signature smug smile, standing in a dramatic pose as fanfare plays*
Padme: -|||- Err ... ahem!  
*Obi-wan's fanfare dies immediately as he broke out of his pose*: Oh, yeah! Ahem ... ever since then, Anakin, whenever he sees LEGO, he screams like a youngling and hides under his bed or jumps into someone's arms.
*Anakin looking furious as he crosses his arms and looks away*: Oh yeah?! Well, prove it!
Obi-wan: I shall!
*Pulls out LEGO from behind his back and shoves it in Anakin's face*: LOOK AT IT!
*Anakin cries weakly and pathetically*: OMG, NOOOOOOOOOO!
*Runs away screaming in a high pitched voice, arms flailing and jumps in the arms of his padawan, Ahsoka*
Ahsoka: WTF?! Get off me!
*Anakin points at the LEGO in Obi-wan's hand: OOMG, SS-SSAVE M-ME F-F-FROM TH-THAT THING!!
Ahsoka: What? That piece of LEGO in Obi-wan's hand?
Anakin: PLEASE!!!
Ahsoka: ALL RIGHT! Just get the fuck off of me!
*Anakin complies and Ahsoka grabs the piece of LEGO and chucks it in the garbage chute*
*Anakin looks relieved*: Oh! Thank god! I thought I was going to die there!
*Ahsoka looks at him completely and utterly confused*: WTH? How are you scared of LEGO when there is a 'LEGO Star Wars: The Clone Wars' game and play set?
*Anakin looks horrified at Ahsoka*: OMG! Please tell me it's not true!
Ahsoka: Yeah, it is. Look.
*Ahsoka pulls out the game and play set out of nowhere*
*Anakin screams again and jumps out of the window*
Ahsoka: WTF is his problem?
Obi-wan: ... O-okay?! Well, JediMayukiDaAWESOME doesn't own Star Wars, Disney, alcohol or LEGO.
Padme: JediMayukiDaAWESOME does own the characters Sabishii Sutorenja, Mayuki Morimoto, Aikou Kaiyou and Naruhi Tonata.
Ahsoka: Please enjoy and review!
Yoda: BOO!
Ahsoka: YARGH!
*Ahsoka Force Pushes Yoda into the Jedi Temple's pool of porridge*
Ahsoka: Oh shit! Sorry, Master Yoda!
*Yoda stands up dramatically from the pool of porridge, wipes off the porridge in his eyes in slow motion and readies his cane*
Ahsoka: OMFG, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*Ahsoka runs away at 1000mp/h with Yoda at her heels. When she looked behind her, she crashed into a wall and KO'd herself and Yoda did the same.* Heh.        
Chapter 1: Turkeys, Cookies and a whole lot of Cheese
The group just lay around the halls of the Jedi Temple, bored out of their freaking minds. The group was composed of Jedi Padawans Ahsoka Tano, Barriss Offee, Mayuki Morimoto, Sabishii Sutorenja, Jedi Knights Aayla Secura, Naruhi Tonata, Aikou Kaiyou, Stass Allie, Anakin Skywalker, Bant Eerin Jedi Masters Luminara Unduli, Kit Fitso, Tahl, Qui-gon Jinn, Agen Kolar, Saesee Tinn, Adi Gallia, Obi-wan Kenobi, Yaddle and Jedi Grand Master Yoda. Clones Fives, Echo, Hevy, Rex, Cody and Senators Padme Amidala, Riyo Chuchi, Mina Bonteri, Lux Bonteri and Duchess Satine were also with them. When the clock struck twelve, Ahsoka yelled in frustration "ARGH! I'M SO FREAKING BORED!"  
Anakin yelled in reply "I KNOW, RIGHT?! WE NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!"
"WE'RE YELLING ABOUT NOTHING, OKAY?!" Luminara shouted.
"IMMA FISH-MAN!" Kitt yelled out for no apparent reason.
"NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!" Aayla shouted back.
"TURTLE, IMMA!" Yoda screamed out randomly.
"AUTHOR, STOP MAKING US YELL ALL THE FUCKING TIME!" Barriss yelled at me.
"ALRIGHT! JUST EAT WAFFLES AND I'LL STOP MAKING YOU YELL!" I yell back.
"FINE!" the group yelled and all ate waffles.
"Okay! You guys can talk normally now!"
Everybody sighs in relief and Luminara turned to Barriss and said "Next time, young padawan, don't swear."
Barriss looks down at her feet and said "Yes, Master Luminara. I'm sorry."
Luminara nodded then asked her curiously "Where did you learn to swear, my young padawan? I've never sworn once in front of you."
Barriss looked nervous and gave a weak laugh and said "W-Well ... you see ... I ... I ... AHSOKA TOLD ME TO SWEAR MORE OFTEN AND SHOWED ME HOW!"
Luminara spun slowly to look at Ahsoka, who's backing away slowly. "So," Luminara began, her eyes closed and twitching rapidly, "you taught my padawan to swear and made her swear ... in my presence as well."
Her eyes flashed open and started bolting at her while Ahsoka made a run for it, yelling "YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE FOR FUCKING FILLING HER HEAD WITH THAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!"
"YAAAA-HAAARGGH!!!" Ahsoka screamed as she ran away from a livid and raving Luminara, who was chasing Ahsoka with her lightsaber activated.
Everyone just watched the scene unfold as Ahsoka and Luminara ran up and down the hallway, screaming, yelling and, in Luminara's case, swearing. Rex turned to Lux and said "Shouldn't you go and save your girlfriend?"
Lux turned to Rex and said "Two things: a) She's not my girlfriend and b) I've never been able to save anyone. And ... I don't think she likes me."
Rex puts an arm around his shoulders and says "Don't think like that. Of course, she likes you. Ever since you two met, I've heard her keep talking about you. No joke. And besides, you can save her. Just let your love for her flow through your body as adrenaline and SAVE YOUR GIRL!"
Lux jumps up and shouts out "YEAH! I GONNA SAVE HER, BITCHES!!!"
Everybody applauds at this but stop when Ahsoka was flung into the next hallway and they heard:
SMASH!
"YOU BITCH!"
PUNCH! KICK! SMACK! SMACK! PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!  
"PWOAR!"
Lux pulled out his blaster and yelled "DON'T WORRY, AHSOKA! LUX BONTERI IS COMING TO THE RESCUUUUUE!"
Lux turned around the corner going "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na BONTERI!" as he switched his gun to stun and started shooting at the deranged Luminara.
"GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL, YOU BITCH!" he yelled as he sent round after round at Luminara. He ran out of rounds and chucked his gun to the side as he summoned his ultimate weapon "COME FORTH ... THE PINK KILLER TURKEY!"
A miniature pink turkey appeared out of nowhere, scratching at the Temple floor. Luminara and Ahsoka (who was pinned to the ground with Luminara on top of her, grabbing her collar, her fist raised to punch Ahsoka's bloodied head), stared in wonder at the turkey. Luminara got off of Ahsoka (who scrambled to the wall), stood up and started laughing "You really think I'll be scared of a turkey?! You're lame! What use does a turkey have against a Jedi with a lightsaber?"
Lux and the turkey glared at the laughing Jedi Master and said in unison "You are making a grave mistake. RELEASE THE CHEESE SPRAY!"
The turkey released a powerful burst of cheese spray at Luminara, knocking her against the wall.
"ARGH!" she screamed and fell painfully to the floor. She got up slowly to her feet and ate a bit of the cheese. She glared at them and said darkly "Nobody but nobody uses mozzarella cheese spray on me and gets away with it! COOKIE SHURIKEN!"
Luminara summoned a huge choc-chip cookie shuriken out of nowhere and hurled it and the killer turkey. Out of the blue, a random dude jumped in front of the shuriken with a large "NOOOO!" and lay dying on the ground. Lux rushed to the guy's side and asked dramatically "Why? Why would you sacrifice your life to save us?"
The guy said weakly "It-it's for the T-Turkey P-Prot-tecti-tion S-So-c-ciety. Long live the turkeys! Gobble, gobble. Urgh."
He lay dead in Lux's arms as he cried silently, vowing to avenge him. He laid him down on the ground and he and the killer turkey charged at Luminara.
"FOR THE TURKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lux yelled as he charged and summoned an apple battle hammer out of nowhere and the turkey summoned a cheese spray gun and Lux yelled "Forbidden Jutsu: Apple and Cheese Combo Attack!!!"
The turkey kept shooting Luminara as Lux whacked her with the apple hammer and she eventually knocked out. Lux un-summoned the apple hammer and the pink killer turkey and the cheese spray gun. He scooped up Ahsoka and carried her to the others. The others cheered and Ahsoka shouted "HEY! LET'S HAVE A PARTY!" This was greeted with yells and everyone went to their quarters to get changed while Obi-wan carried Luminara to the Medical Bay and let her regain consciousness.
Three hours later: Ahsoka's apartment
Ahsoka sat on the couch dressed in a dark blue, sparkly, strapless dress with splits down the side to show some leg and had most of her back showing. She also wore dark blue sparkly heels that slightly improved her height. The door opened and Barriss, Cody, Luminara and Obi-wan appeared. Barriss wore a leopard-skin coloured dress that had straps and came just above the knee. A thick black belt with a silver buckle covered most of her stomach and stopped just below the bust line and she also wore black heels. Cody was wearing a white shirt and a black un-zipped hoodie over the top of it. He wore black denim jeans and long black boots over the pant legs. Luminara, shockingly to Ahsoka, didn't wear her headdress and did nothing to cover it. Her hair was in neat dreadlocks that came nearly halfway down her back. She wore a brown shirt with a white, silver fur-lined jacket with a hood. She had dark blue jeans with a dull silver belt and brown boots under the pant legs. And finally, Obi-wan wore a long sleeved collared shirt with a black dress jacket. He also wore black dress pants and shoes, which were polished until they shone.
"Hiya guys!" she said enthusiastically, "You guys look great!" They chorused their thanks and sat down to wait for the others. Lux then came into the room, dressed like an absolute hunk in a white collared, buttoned shirt and black dress pants and shoes. He cuddled next to Ahsoka and whispered "You look hot tonight!" She giggled and snuggled into his chest.
Then, out of nowhere, Kit, Agen and Anakin burst in through the wall dressed as ninjas and screamed "HAIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The group screamed and Obi-wan jumped into Luminara's arms, Cody and Barriss fell over the couch and Lux and Ahsoka jumped so high they got caught on the fan and were whirled around at a very fast pace. The Jedi-turned-Ninja took a picture of the spinning pair with their cake cameras and they stripped off their clothing to show their party gear underneath.
Luminara and Obi-wan (who jumped out of Luminara's arms after realising what he'd done) helped the pair get down from the spinning fan. Not long after that, everyone came at once with party food, alcohol and a disco ball. As everything was set up, the music started playing (the first song was "Miss International Love" by Pitbull) and the party began.